she's just not that into me (pt. 1)

If there is one thing I notice about certain book titles, it's that their sales boom when girls are interested in reading them. Now, whether or not that changes based on Oprah or Cosmo Magazine or whatever, the title He's Just Not That Into You has really become something of interest with women I spend time with. I would guess that I have the movie to thank for bringing this piece of shit into the mind frame of my friends in their mid-20s who have all of a sudden become empowered due to the fact that they aren't at fault with anything having to do with men--it's our fault. We men know exactly what we want at all times and will stop at nothing to get it. All men are the same and so because that is the case, the rules apply to us all. Granted, I only read the first chapter of this book, but that's fine because that's the only chapter I really want to talk about anyway.

The first chapter of He's Just Not That Into You is specifically about dating, more so about asking someone out. While there are several points that I may agree with, I don't think you can easily just say, "You know, this guy ain't asking you out so he must not like you. He sucks, you don't." Now, I've read shit for women before (typically, when I was in my teens, it was my way to get the inside information on the ladies) and the way authors write shit for women is typically empowering for women. Rise up! Clinch your fist! You are powerful, you are sexy, you are woman! Yeah, yeah, this book really isn't any different but that's marketing and that's knowing your audience because women respond positively to words and things like that. Well, as a cynical man, I was annoyed in about 15 seconds.

Frankly, I don't think I apply to the first chapter in this book. I'm sure a lot of dudes would say that but they covered a lot of different options as to why a man hasn't asked the woman out. There was the "not ruin the friendship" angle; the "he gave her his number" angle, and so on & so on. Certainly, there are guys who take advantage of the system and use excuses to get out of doing the heavy lifting as far as the initial chase but what about the guys like me, like my brother, like my best friend, like a lot of other men I know--maybe she's just not that into me!

I'm not stupid. I have a lot of evidence to prove this (and a lot of prove otherwise) but I believe I'm pretty good at reading in between the lines and figuring out what signals women are conveying to me. Simply, I hate rejection, almost to the point of nausea. Yes, I've thrown up thinking about asking out a girl that I really liked. Puked. That's some nerves. I'm not afraid of heights, I'm not afraid of fire, spiders, Crips & Bloods, haunted houses, or rattlesnakes. I'm not afraid to ask a chick to lick my face, "earn" some beads...whatever. I'm not afraid of letting people know what's on my mind, but there is one thing I don't like to do at all--surrender power, and when you ask a woman you like a lot out, you are temporarily surrendering power.

I tend to tense up because I don't like to be hurt, let down, disappointed, just like the rest of us. But at the same time, more importantly perhaps, there's the lack on control over a situation I don't like to forfeit very often. Women=kryptonite, and what if she's just not that into me? I'm crushed, because it's a huge reflection upon me and my looks, my sense of humor, my good-hearted personality that I feel are all strengths. Whatever, man. What the hell does a book know about me or any other guy? I may have learned over the years that I'm not as unique as I think (see: prior post about being an Aries), but I know that I don't fit the mold of the guy who "knows what he wants and gets it no matter what." Yeah, tell that to the two girls I liked for a combined 14 years w/o asking them out (for simple fear of them saying no).

My brother Ryan is a terrific young man who overcomes things slowly but surely. He is resilient.; I like to think I am just as resiliant but sometimes I think that I'm just pathetic. My feelings get hurt all the time but I shrug them away so quickly I rarely remember 5 minutes after the occurrance--why can't that be the case when I like a girl? I take it so personally, you know?? I took this fucking book personally, at least the first chapter. You don't know me, ye ole writers of Sex and the City! I'm going to continue to read this fucking book and then I'm gonna let you know how much this book doesn't just not apply to me, but probably a greater percentage of men than the book's authors realize. We're an unclaimed bunch, the group of men who enjoy women so much that we're afraid of losing them even before we have them. You think I'm crushed when they turn down my date request?

...imagine how I feel when they dump me.

...to be continued...